Who hurt you?

Lewis Smedes has said, "The person who hurt us should not be
the person who decides whether or when we should recover from the
pain he brought us. A wounded person should not put her future
happiness in the hands of the person who made her miserable."

He also points out that forgiving is something good we do for
ourselves; we should not have to wait for permission from the person
who did something bad to us.

He makes these points in a chapter he wrote entitled, appropriately
enough, "Forgiving people who do not say they are sorry." His book is
entitled, "The Art of Forgiving".